Language Mix Up Epic Fail

Last night I put Emma to bed. We went upstairs to do our usual teeth brushing routine; I sit on a stool, she sits on my lap, I brush her teeth and sing her the silly brushing teeth songs I've made up for her, like this one to the tune of Beethoven's Fur Eliese. It goes:

Je brosse les dents, d'Em-Em-Em-ma, d'Em-Em-Em-ma
Elle va-a-a-a crasher dans le bain, dans le bain, dans le bain,
Ce soir elle a rigolé, a rigolé, a rigolé...

( I'm brushing Emma's teeth: shes's going to spit in the bathtub/ this evening she laughed)

I've also made up another teeth brushing song to the tune of B.O.B's 'Airplane' that goes:

Ce soir Emma s'est brossé les dents,
pendant que je chantais, chantais, chantais
elle n'a pas du tout mangé
elle préfère rigoler
ce soir elle a beaucoup peté...

(Tonight Emma brushed her teeth/ while I was singing/ she didn't eat at all/ she
prefers laughing/ tonight she's farted a lot*)

*Nanny solution: bathroom and potty humor always pleases the kid crowd.

Ok, so sorry for the tangent there, but yeah. You get the picture. Put the kiddo to bed after a story, and as per custom, went down stairs to tell her dad she wanted a goodnight kiss. The word for kiss is bisous.

But what did I learn the word for kiss was in school? BAISER. So what did I say to her dad? I said "Quand tu peux, Emma veut bien un baiser."

What does BAISER mean in modern French? A FUCK. Charlotte reminded me of this on my way upstairs seconds after I thought I had told her Dad to kiss Emma goodnight.

SO I BASICALLY SAID TO JL: "When you can, Emma really wants a fuck."

GAH I AM SO EMBARRASED RIGHT NOW!!

Lesson learned: children, never, ever, ever trust your outdated high school foreign language text books, or your memory of them.