Monday, December 20, 2010


Now I get why parents hate school vacations: they are only fun for the KIDS. It's been a whopping one day of no school for the kiddos I nanny for, and they're already bickering up a storm. Yesterday, kiddos fought over:

1) the rights to one arm chair in the living room, though mind you, there are two arm chairs, one massive couch, and lots of floor space. But no, there had to be a kicking war over THIS exact arm chair.

2) A glass of water. Martin poured Emma water at lunch, nearly to the brim, and then she refused to drink it. Pissed off as all hell because Emma wouldn't drink the damn water, I grabbed the glass and chucked the water into the sink and put it back on the table for her. She then proceeded to tell me I'm mean and horrible and that if I was going to be mean with her, she'd be mean with me. I told her she could do whatever she wanted, I didn't care. Psychological warfare round one, ding-ding: King's going to kick some kiddo ass. Ok, not literally, but you get it.

3) Playing the guitar. My parents skyped me early in the evening yesterday and Emma laid down on my bed because she's sick and had a headache. I moved into the other spare room. Kids followed. Kids followed with every stuffed animal they own and a guitar. Kids then proceeded to obnoxiously cover my webcam and blast their guitar just so I couldn't talk to my own fucking family. Moved out into the loft space. Guitar ensued. Moved into my own room. Kids ensued. Hung up with the family.

Nevertheless, Emma screamed bloody murder because Martin refused to quit playing the guitar. Means of pacification for Emma: put her in the bathtub. Means of pacification for Martin: one very awesome PS3 gaming system in his parent's bedroom. Means of pacification for nanny: to be determined. If you've seen my sanity, please let me know where it's gone.

What this all really means is that a) I don't know if I can do this au pair gig thing for more than one year, because I'm already loosing my mind, and b) I'M LITERALLY COUNTING THE HOURS UNTIL THEIR MOTHER RETURNS FROM MARTINIQUE.

The Au Pair's Prayer

Dear au pairs, who are in nanny hell,
lord please save your souls,
thy adopted children come,
thy will be done,
by children who refuse to listen.
Give us our sanity, our daily peace,
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive children who trespass into our rooms,
For thou has the kitchen, no parental authority, and dinner to cook.


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